from one G to another.
i often find myself wondering about the fact that our lives are so misunderstood, that if you set out to set all the records straight, the whole world would really be a different place. people talk, listen, belive, assume and understand. but many of them are oblivious to the fact that one thing that is said actually means another. so many people live this life of oblivion where they belive things about themselves, others and situations which actually mean something else.
i am not being clear. that could be fatal. or rather, i could be misunderstood. which is worse.
a tone of voice, an SMS message (in my view, a terrible bane to communication), a letter, a message conveyed through someone else, a look, laughter, tears, silence between people and even conversation could be understood to mean something when it actually means something else.
and i fear that i have been misunderstood too many times. and i am pensive about those situations where i have said things knowing full well what i mean to say, but these things have been misunderstood by people and this has caused a gap in space and time and in my life that can probably never be filled. especially because when you realise that you might have been misunderstood, you often don’t get the chance to explain youself. and that
something you said may remain misunderstood for all time.
i am sad tonight. i realise that so many things that i have said have meant different things to people. i realise that i have not said the most important things i meant to say. like ‘i love you’ or ‘i’m sorry’ or ‘yes’. and i am sad to know that i don’t have so many things i want because i have not said things when they were meant to be said. or to put it in a better way, people around me could be more happy if i say things at the right time and these things were understood as they were meant.
i am thinking of you tonight. just as i do every night. and i wonder if i will ever find out whether life would have been different if i had spoken up instead of letting the fear of being misunderstood defeat me. but right now, i am defeated. once again i have not spoken. once again i have been misunderstood. and so, now, once again, i have to tell myself that all i have is today. and now.
i am sad because i miss the people i want to be with. and i miss them because they are not with me right now. and i dont blame myself for that. and i dont blame them either. i blame the silence that stopped me from asking them to spend their lives with me.
i miss you. terribly. where are you?
